Springboks: Who’s to blame?

Springboks get macaroni in Italy:

Who’s to blame?

 

The Springbok Death

Although attributing blame is hardly ever constructive during a crisis, it’s still fun.

Let’s think out of the box and ask ourselves, who is to blame?

These are again Multiple Choice, which in this case, means that you may choose as many options as you please.

A

Apartheid

Obviously, A is for Apartheid … and there must be at least some blame there.

 

B

President Zuma

Probably in some way, he’s the president after all.

 

C

The Coach and the Players

Don’t be ridiculous, we’ve always had a coach and players … no, that doesn’t explain anything.

 

D

Donald Trump

OK, I don’t know why, but I’m putting it out there.

 

E

The other teams

This one makes the most sense. It’s the stupid teams we play against who keep on beating us. Let’s get rid of them.

 

F

The Death of Leonard Cohen

This is an enormous tragedy, but the Boks sucked even before it happened.

 

G

The Guptas

It makes sense, they seem to have a hand in everything, and most of it is bad.

 

H

Hillary Clinton

The Clinton Foundation hasn’t awarded one single dollar towards transformation in Springbok rugby. Shame on them. Furthermore, who knows what was in all those emails?

 

I

Me

No, it really wasn’t me. I predicted the loss against Italy on this blog … but it seemed obvious enough.

 

J

False Media Stories

The Boks didn’t actually lose against Italy, England, New Zealand or Australia. In fact, the Boks never lost to Japan. False news stories shared on Facebook have shaped the American election into a disaster, but clearly, it got to Springbok rugby first.

 

K

Climate Change

It is buggering everything else, why not rugby as well?

 

L

The Game Plan

We could always blame the game plan. Except that we’ve never had a game plan, or have we? What we have to ask ourselves about the game plan is: what is it? It could be that we are planning to lose, and if so, we’re doing quite well.  Might someone even be paying us to lose? Technically, if the Boks still get paid after losing, then they are getting paid to lose, aren’t they?

 

M

The Selectors

Right on, they must be to blame. Now, who do we select? And who do we select to select them?

 

N

Fitness

Clearly, the Springboks must be less fit that the teams they lose against. Let’s have them walk to their next game, or swim, or run.

 

O

Isis

This blog isn’t really about politics, but I’m sure if it hadn’t been for Isis we would, at least, be able to beat the Syrian rugby team.

 

P

The weak rand

This boils back to the economy and Zuma, the Guptas etc. It is the real reason why our talented players are no longer playing for our home unions. Call the international economists, before they downgrade the country to junk status, they should just know the national rugby team has beaten them to the punch.

 

Q

The referee

Would you believe it? With all this idiocy I’ve almost forgotten the real reason any team ever loses any game: the ref! Who was the ref? I don’t remember, cause I hardly watched the silly game. This option leaves the slight difficulty of all the other refs in all the other games we’ve lost … including Japan.  But a Saffa rugby supporter worth his beer and his biltong should be able to make this case: it was indeed the ref’s fault.

 

R

DSTV & Supersport 

Those commentators have been talking nonsense all along. In the build-up to the Italy test match, the one expert after the other backed the Boks to beat Italy. These guys have been positive to the point of nausea, but at the back of their minds, they must be thinking of customers ditching their subscriptions in favour of Netflix or the like.

 

 

Feel free to add suggestions.

 

 

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