Imaginary Letter

To those who don’t know, I’m not much of a believer.  I try to respect the opinions of others and am in favour of religious freedom. However, sometimes I cannot help to be dumbfounded by current events and I use this blog as my little voice.

As often, my aim here is satirical. I don’t intend to convince anyone of my point of view. I oppose the idea of doing so.

If you are an easily offended Christian, it might be better not to read the rest of this post.

Also, please note, when I use the term “God” I think of a concept or even a character from literature, not a person.


Dear God

In case you haven’t noticed, and it looks like you haven’t, we have a few problems in our country. That is South Africa, if you’ve forgotten, it’s at the very South of the African continent.

Our first problem: We have a really shitty president and an equally shitty government. I know your Bible tells people not to covet material things, but God, our hard-earned money is becoming useless and the fruit of our labour is rapidly turning vrot.

Secondly, you also haven’t seemed to notice that it is raining bugger-all around here at the moment. Did you forget to make it rain, God? Or are you angry with us? I thought you worked through your anger issues with that whole crucifixion thing? If you are still having problems: you might have noticed that we now have these great things called antidepressants, therapy and anger management courses. It might also be worthwhile to remind you that you are supposedly the creator of all these idiots, right?

OK, I’m not stupid enough to think that life on this planet can be perfect for everyone all the time – but in our case, it is now an entire country suffering: a predominantly Christian one.

Do you forget about the rain until people start asking for it? And if so, how often do we have to remind you? I also get frustrated with people often, but do you realise that in sending us drought you are really spiting loads and loads of completely innocent animals?

May I direct your attention to Luke 11:11?

“If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?” (From the King James Version.)

Then you go on to say that you obviously know what to give us … but you gave us Zuma and Trump and drought.

Now there are some Christians who believe you send us these little “trials” so that we will remember about you again. Seriously though, I know lots of Christians and they never forget about you. They remember you to the point of annoying the hell out of the rest of us.

There are some references in the Bible to the church being the bride of God. Well, if that is indeed so then you have long been an abusive husband, God. Sending all these bad things our way, isn’t it a bit like kicking your wife out of the house or beating her because your food wasn’t done on time?

That reminds me of another gripe I have with you: Genesis says that man will have to work for a living and women will have to bear children in pain. So now some women are opting for pain-free birth (and I don’t blame them), but I’m assuming that the utter annoyance of having painful monthly menstruation is part of this particular curse. The point is, it just remains interesting to me that I have to put up with my monthly period (which is unpleasant and expensive) and work for a living.

So I’m just wondering, since I don’t want children and am already working for my food, can’t you, at least, make the damn period go away?

Here’s my next question, God. If your son dying was supposed to have absolved all sins, why does the Adam and Eve curse still exist? And why did you set them up for failure with that damn tree in the first place? Setting people up for failure is a very sinister form of cruelty and it should really make more of your followers wonder about your real personality.

Anyone with a brain must also be able to understand that in designing the system for women only to give birth you have unwittingly been responsible for centuries and centuries of abuse, discrimination and maltreatment of women.

It really is the same about racism, God. It is all your fault.

For these and many other reasons, I have long ago come to the realisation that you don’t exist and therefore cannot possibly be offended by this letter.

I just remain really, really perplexed at how many intelligent people still do believe.

This particular mere mortal



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