Kidney Complications

Kidney Complications – An Update (Part 5)

Breaking the silence

 

No news is good news, they say.  It’s been a month since my last post, but not because of everything being well. At this point, it is only fair to write an update on the kidney story. This post is not good news, though. The continue reading tag will be just below this paragraph. 

The world does not make sense to me. It never has. Instead, I find ways to make sense of the world. This makes me a nihilist – and several other things.

It’s probably better to keep this short.

Shortly before Christmas Jan became very ill. He spent Christmas in ICU. He’s been having trouble with clotting in the arm used for dialysis. There is also a bleeding ulcer and his hemoglobin levels are constantly too low.

To patch things up Jan had to receive more than 20 units of blood. Receiving blood elevates the body’s natural immune response. Also, the anti-rejection meds a patient has to take post-transplant, are hard on the stomach.

Although Jan is better now, his hemoglobin remains low, and he is in no shape to receive a kidney. The projection is that he won’t be able to receive a kidney in the next six months.

The transfer panel has requested his file for review and may even decide that he is no longer a suitable candidate for a transplant.

Donating a kidney to Jan is something that makes sense to me, but there are things beyond my control. I knew that when this started.

I’m still hoping Jan will recover enough to make the transplant possible. I’m a new addition to Jan’s story, so I feel the least I can do is to keep hoping. I’ve not suffered all the disappointment and pain that Jan has had to endure and cannot begin to imagine his feelings.

In his latest email to me, Jan asked me not to be disappointed if the transplant cannot go ahead.

He doesn’t want me to be disappointed

Usually by the time you have to ask someone not to be disappointed that ship has sailed already.

However, I am trying to do Jan the courtesy of not being disappointed about keeping my kidney, for now. On my side, I don’t have to feel as if I’m disappointing anyone, other than myself, with my weight-loss battle.

Neither of those is helping me making any sense out of the world. My plan A for the year collapsed before the year started – it’s like that for everybody by January 2,  right?

They say life is what happens while we’re making other plans. Life is not what happens when I’m not writing this blog. Or that’s my suspicion.

I’m not overly impressed with my ability to control my own feelings of disappointment, but in my defense, this is a catch 22 worthy of fiction.

This is also  where I have to stop. What is left is only what someone once called “my snydende sarkasme” (my biting sarcasm). Something I don’t want.

Jan is taking some time out and it is well-deserved. I wish him peace and happiness.

Whatever happens, he has changed me forever.

 

Ps. I should probably never have used the word “kicking” in any of the headings.

 

 

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