Yesterday, I spent my day reading psychology and despite experiencing valuable insights I also felt profound sadness. When looking deep into the soul, it is never hard to find imperfections and cracks, and the discovery can be overwhelming – even if you do learn from it.
None of us is whole. Life leaves its scars on all of us.
Although I went to bed early, insomnia dogged me all night. I mean dogged quite literally. A barking dog has been ruining my night-time peace recently. Eventually, I wandered around outside in the quiet darkness of the hours before dawn. There was, of course, suddenly no sign or sound from the offensive mutt.
The aimless stroll had the desired effect. I became tired and slept late – something I’m not really supposed to do – but it was gentle and peaceful and I woke up happy.
That is what I want to share today: I woke up happy.
There are reasons for the happiness. I have something planned for tonight which I’m looking forward to, but that doesn’t usually guarantee me waking up in a good mood.
A few months ago I had this experience: I was in a group discussion and a lady shared her sadness. Circumstances had prevented her from being present to comfort her son on what had been a bad day for him. She blamed herself and it was not unfounded since her prior wrongful actions (or shall I just say “mistakes”) had necessitated the circumstances which caused her to be away from the boy.
The sorrow on her face that day remains ingrained in my memory.
All the members of the group tried to console her, but nothing anyone said could lift her. It was clearly an injury that would leave a deep scar.
Eventually, I told her to embrace her grief. Words would not heal her wound. The only positive action possible was to build a monument. Take that pain and frame it. Put it somewhere where you can see it and let it remind you every day never to make the same mistake again.
Of course, my words were as powerless and perhaps meaningless to her as all the other attempts had been. If she had understood me, her drawn face showed no sign of it.
The rest of the group loved and appreciated the idea – maybe it had been intended for their benefit, anyway.
Build a Beacon
Today I want to write this post as a beacon. Monument might be a word slightly too monumental for the occasion, but I plant this beacon here to remember in the future that I was happy today.
Too often during my frequent introspections, I focus on my fears and faults and forget that there are many days when I am happy.
Happiness doesn’t have to be uninterrupted and constant to be authentic. Surely it is as possible to be sincerely happy today as it was to have been validly sad yesterday.
I accept it. Such is life.