Far be it from me to insult the great Elizabeth Barrett Browning but I remain perplexed as to why, why, why companies ever chose to torture us with the mini USB. I should add it is, in fact, the micro USB that is the truest source of my frustration. At the time of writing “mini” just worked better.

Mini USB, how do I hate thee?

Let me count the ways
I hate thee
As all mine company has always hated that cursed two-pin plug
I hateth thee on Sony
As I hateth thee with mine Blackberry acquaintances
I hateth thee more with the coming of every new morrow
And the passing of every battery cycle

Shall I compare thee
To something doomed to upside-downedness?

Dost thee know
That several manufacturers haveth
Printed thy well-meaning – though barely visible – icon
Counterproductively on thy wrong side?

Thy dented minuscule lines and apologetically pathetic excuse for triangular contour
haveth the equivalent effect of constantly mistaking:

Jew for Arab
Muslin for Hindu
Protestant for Catholic
At every attempted entry

Woe is the mindless womb which
conceived thee
May thy finding father
And thy whorish mother
Be doomed to botox-begging frowns
And corresponding ophthalmic difficulty
Experienced by all of us
Who truly hate thee
Thy mini USB